Thursday, February 07, 2008


The point of a blog, if not the characteristic that makes the good ones really special, is when bloggers feel truly free to write from their heart and aren't compelled to self-censor themselves or hold anything back. On that front, I haven't been the most open of bloggers of late, as there's been a fairly major change in my life that I haven't had the stomach or inclination to deal with here.

A few weeks ago, I made the difficult decision to pull the plug on my long-term relationship with my girlfriend. As is always the case with these things, the reasons are complicated and difficult to understand -- even to me. And even though I was the one who initiated it, it's still the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life. Typically, writing is a cathartic process for me whenever I undergo times of stress and difficulty, so one might imagine I'd take advantage or an outlet such as this one to sort through my thoughts. But in this instance, I don't really feel comfortable pouring my heart out on this subject, as this doesn't really seem like the ideal medium to do it in. Nor did the breakup have anything to do with money, for that matter.

Still, I felt like I owed it to myself, and my few readers, to come clean here. By ignoring the elephant in the room and prattling on about my personal finances, I just feel like I'm being dishonest somehow. And my posts of late, I think, have tended towards the superficial as a result.

So there you have it. I'm basically going through as close to a divorce as you can (without ever actually getting married, that is) and while it's as amicable as these things can be, it's safe to say this is a major life change for yours truly. Maybe I'll feel like hashing out my thoughts here some day, but that day's not here yet. In the meantime, expect numerous posts on how expensive this process is turning out to be. Even after we've finished splitting all our stuff and finding new places to live, I'd forgotten how expensive single life can be.

I hope you understand.


FSM said...


For what it's worth, here's to hoping that both of you can deal with the situation as best you can and move on.

One can look at money/finance as a "safety net" to deal with the curveballs like this one that life throws our way. I think that having one's financial affairs in order is essential so as to not compound this already difficult situation with concerns about money.

Anyway, best of luck.

Four Pillars said...

Wow, I'm really sorry to hear about the break-up.


growthinvalue said...

Thanks for the kind words. FSM, your comments remind me a lot of something my mom said to me this week. I was going over the logistical and financial headaches I have to go through now (buying new stuff to replace what she's taking, paying rent on my own, and most likely moving) and how I was bummed that it was going to throw off my automatic savings plan and padding of my rainy-day fund.

"Sweetheart," my mom said, "it's raining."

She's right. Situations like job losses and domestic situations falling apart are exactly why we're supposed to build up these emergency funds in the first place. I'll just dip into it. A few months of up-and-down finances is not going to throw off my plans to achieve my long-term goals. If anything, the cliff I've just thrown my personal life off of is a difficult step that I hope will end up helping me get there too, in a weird way.

thanks for the concern, anyway.

Canadian Dream said...


Actually your significant other can be one of the most expensive decisions you ever make in life. So in a way, you situation is part completely part of this blog. I don't feel it is off topic.

Don't worry about the short term adjustments to your goals. After all you goals where based on your previous situation. Now that's changed it time to look at everything with fresh eyes.

It sucks letting go, but sometimes people have to move on.

Best of luck and take your time.


nancy (aka money coach) said...

hey- sorry to hear too. Sting's song - how fragile we are - relationships aren't easy, and extricating takes a toll too. *heart* to you as you move through.